Someone you love is being hurt by their partner, and you feel helpless watching it. Here’s the truth: you can’t rescue them — but you can be the reason they eventually get out. Most survivors say a non-judgmental person who stayed in their corner made the difference.
If they are in immediate danger right now, call 911.
What to say
- “I believe you.” Those three words matter more than any advice.
- “It’s not your fault.” Abusers train their victims to carry the blame. Counter it every time.
- “I’m here whenever you’re ready.” Then prove it by not disappearing when they don’t leave.
- “I’m worried about your safety.” Say it plainly, once, without lecturing.
What never to do
- Don’t confront the abuser. It puts your loved one in more danger — abusers often retaliate after being challenged.
- Don’t give ultimatums (“leave him or we’re done”). It isolates the victim further, which is exactly what the abuser wants.
- Don’t say “just leave.” Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, and it takes an average of seven attempts. If it were simple, they’d have done it.
- Don’t share their situation with mutual friends, family, or on social media without permission. Loose talk can get them hurt.
Practical things you can offer
- A safe phone they can use (an old phone with a new prepaid SIM)
- A place to keep copies of important documents
- Rides to appointments — including to the shelter or the Family Justice Center
- Childcare so they can meet with an advocate
- A code word they can text you if they need help fast
San Antonio resources to share with them (gently)
Don’t push — but make sure they know these exist. Write the numbers down somewhere they can find them later:
- FVPS crisis hotline (24/7): (210) 733-8810 — shelter, safety planning, counseling
- National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788
- Bexar County Family Justice Center: (210) 631-0100 — protective orders, advocacy
- Alamo Area Rape Crisis Center: (210) 349-7273 — if sexual violence is part of the picture
If you’re the one who needs to talk it through, you can call these hotlines too. Advocates help friends and family members every day.
Safety planning for you as the helper
- Don’t store evidence of the abuse on a shared family computer or cloud account.
- If you suspect you’re being watched by the abuser (they know things they shouldn’t), be extra careful with calls and texts.
- If the abuser threatens you directly, take it seriously and call police.
Taking care of yourself
Supporting someone through abuse is draining. You may feel angry, guilty, or exhausted — that’s normal. NAMI Greater San Antonio ((210) 734-3349) runs free family support groups, and CHCS (210-261-2427) offers counseling on a sliding scale. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
FAQ
They keep going back. Should I give up on them?
No — but protect your own boundaries. Staying available without enabling is the balance. Many survivors leave only after multiple attempts; your steady presence matters more than you know.
What if there are kids involved?
You can report suspected child abuse or neglect to the Texas Abuse Hotline: 1-800-252-5400. You don’t need proof, and you can report anonymously. If a child is in immediate danger, call 911.
Can I get a protective order for someone else?
In Texas, certain people (including prosecutors and DFPS) can apply on a victim’s behalf in some circumstances — but generally the survivor applies themselves. An advocate at the Family Justice Center ((210) 631-0100) can explain the options.
What if I witness abuse happening?
Call 911. Don’t physically intervene unless you can do so safely — a second victim helps no one.
